habitual

do you ever miss

the things you used to love

despite its crippling

nature and inconsistency

have you ever thought that

somehow, in this different stage of life

they’ll remind you of the good days,

the days where you had no worries

where you lived your best life

on the social media platform

where everyone saw you take that shot

laughing and dance in circles

video after video

and picture after picture.

or the bad days

the days that no one saw

no one could save you

from the life you built

until that one sip

until that one blow

until the fist to the eye

the car crash

the emergency room

the overdose

the pain

but somehow

someway

we find our way back

 

And in the midst of it all

Darkness keeps placing its

Ugly head into the open cracks

Of the minds that God took His

Time in healing

While life’s greatest adversary

May think he’s won again

Then I heard God remind me

In the deepest part of my soul

That victory belongs to me

And He’s the same God that’s

Delivered boats from crashing

Over the deep blue seas

And the same God that kept

Me when they broke into the

Home that I found solace in

The same God that kept him off

Of my back one last time

The same God that moved my hand

Off the brake that kept me from moving

The God that never fails

And is able to do exceeding abundantly

Will keep our minds at peace

Again if we believe

two

for the first time

the deep dark pit

that i’ve allowed to

swallow me up

began to crack and

your light found its way

into spaces that have never

experienced anything different.

i moved my hands towards

each opening in hopes that

i could keep digging

to let in more light

but my tired hands were

ready to give up and let go

instead

you placed your hands

close to mine and started

digging with me

telling me i’m here

with your words and showing me

through your actions.

the pressure filled walls

let out its last and final sigh

and finally i saw that our

was never in vain.

now my pit is destroyed

with your wisdom filled words

and your dirt covered hands

showed me that

you were right there all along.

you’ve demolished my walls

you’ve heard my cries

and you’ve saved parts of me

i thought were six feet deep

and i’m ready to rebuild

alongside you.

Then the day will come

When you realize that

The only people that should

Matter are the people

Your energy gravitates toward

On its own

Without forcing a connection

Or feelings that will fade

Because time means nothing

In the midst of your discovery.

Down

There are some nights where I feel

A burning sensation in my soul

That tells me to help ignite

The flames surrounding me

But it only takes one night

To feel discouraged in this walk

To feel beat up

Torn down

To feel like giving up.

I’d like to believe I’m slowly moving

Into the purpose that is placed

By the name given to me

But I can’t save them all

I just can’t.

that was the end

time and time again

freedom was at the

end of my finger tips

and my tongue could

taste and see what would be

good for me

and the the night came

that i chose to

put myself first

and i chose to love

myself more than

i ever have

but in choosing to do so

fear ran through my veins

while i tried to calm my

shaky and sweaty hands

my mind almost convinced me

to go back to the place i was

and i’m so thankful

that my heart finally

told me

no.

opposite

my hands are shaking

cold to touch

thinking about the truth that

lies beneath the surface

of every cell of my body

and the reality of my ways.

since honesty matters more

than modesty

i must take into consideration

that i am not the one

you think you’ve been looking for

and although my heart beats fast

when your name appears

again and again

i am accepting that this

feeling will fade as soon as

you find her

and the possibility of a

sweet end could be on the horizon.

i’m uncertain of my assumption

and uneasy with each word that forms

but honesty matters more than

modesty and i love you enough

to see someone else

light up your life.