this is not supposed to make sense

to anyone outside of my brain

but for some odd reason

one look in my direction explains

everything and you’re one of the

only people to ever understand

this side of me.

empancipation

four hundred and twenty days

went by and i finally understood

the reason why i held myself back

for so long while she suffered

all this time.

my mane girl finally said enough

telling me she knew my soul was ready

 

but needed to convince my mind

that old things are made to pass away

and she knew i wanted to be new again.

so my mane told my brain to let it go

to thaw out the right side  and live freely.

my body met the cold black chair

and the butterflies in my stomach

slowly began die one by one

and she told me that everything would be okay.

one strand after another

two strands then another

three strands then no more

she was okay

she was safe

my mane was free

and so am i.

the biggest lesson i’ve learned

is that history is cyclical

and my life is a part of that

cycle where things i never imagined

taking place are happening

all over again

but this time i feel like

this part of the cycle will bring

growth and peace to my life

because it already has

and i’m so thankful.

people don’t agree with

things they don’t understand

and i know they won’t understand

my healing process

but i will not be the girl

who puts a timeline on when she

can move forward and when her

heart is ready to love again

i will not be the girl who tells others

that my heart will never be whole again

because all of me was not found in

all of you

and thank God

it wasn’t.

i have to re-learn

how to be my own person

and how to commit to myself

more than i commit to anyone

because four years have passed

and i didn’t take care of me

the way that i should

and love was only

spread to those

around me.

my mind has been

poked and in a daze for so long

so that she would be convinced

to conform to the ideas of someone else.

the blood vessels that reside there

flowed in the opposite direction

of the birth code they were given

so that she would find something to cling to

her thoughts weren’t her thoughts

and the ideas of who she had to be

were fed to her with a rusty and grimy spoon

that was never touched or cleaned

and she’s the only one who allowed it to

all because she thought

it would

save

her.

speak your truth

there’s one voice in the world

that tries to convince others of

a lie that is deep rooted in the

personality and character of who

he is and who he wants to be

and i pray the voice is silenced

and God clears the minds of those

who hear the dangerous message

that’s been fabricated in order to make

me look like a damsel in distress.