i’m jack

all i wanted

was to be

passionate about something

to sit down and create

stand up and speak

to listen and to learn

and make something my own

so i tried my hand

on things that i saw

others find life in

then quickly felt the

feeling of failure

and to this day

i’m still not sure

what could be mine

and what my heart

is drawing itself to.

habitual

do you ever miss

the things you used to love

despite its crippling

nature and inconsistency

have you ever thought that

somehow, in this different stage of life

they’ll remind you of the good days,

the days where you had no worries

where you lived your best life

on the social media platform

where everyone saw you take that shot

laughing and dance in circles

video after video

and picture after picture.

or the bad days

the days that no one saw

no one could save you

from the life you built

until that one sip

until that one blow

until the fist to the eye

the car crash

the emergency room

the overdose

the pain

but somehow

someway

we find our way back

 

each new year

we embark on a journey

to find ourselves

in the midst of all the mess

we’ve created and we

sink our heels into

this “newness” without

considering the trails

of tears and tired hearts,

destroyed and distorted

minds as a result of our

insolent words and

pessimistic spirits.

therefore,

our first step is not

in our personal declaration

to change,

but repairing what we’ve

broken.

 

sea sick

i thought of you today

and i couldnt understand

why those cold nights

at sea ever reminded you

of me and how the crashing

sound of water against

your metal cage made you

think that you loved me more

but how about those other

cold nights where you chose

to put your hands where they

didnt belong because now

youre back from sea

about five years in my rearview

and the thought of you

keeps reappearing.

 

don’t you

whats it like

to wake up

every morning

knowing you

have a twin

and i dont mean

the sign

the two faced

gemini who

cant express

herself

but i mean

the one you

abandoned

even though i’m sure

you look down

and theres a

tattoo on your

arm that should

remind you

of her.

old mindset

young black girls

are taught that they

must work twice as hard as

anyone else in order to

seem even half

as capable as those

who don’t work as hard

so while i feel ambitious and

driven to start again and to move

forward, i’m held back

by the weight of

a million people

who seem to be against

me even though

i know God is for me

and that’s all that should

matters.

when you force perfection

into your beautiful brain

it will choose to choke and

wrap its evil head around

each blood vessel

while sending signals of

doubt and weakness

to every intricate part.

be careful when creating

your standards

because perfection

isnt unattainable and now

that you know

strive for goodness.